What Kind Of Compliments Do You Like to Receive As a Woman? What Do We Want to Hear The Most & How Do We Speak to Daughters About Compliments & Confidence?
Who doesn’t love a good compliment, am I right? Whether is about being pretty or beautiful, about our bodies, about our careers, or how we are as mothers, most women do not mind hearing lovely things about ourselves! But what type of compliments should we be wanting? Is there a right or wrong answer? Should we only accept or want non-appearance based compliments? Is it okay to want to be told that we are pretty?
My concern is our own self-talk, and then the verbiage we use around our own daughters.
So please please please don’t take this as conceit, but I have been complimented on appearance my whole life. I never have doubted that I am an attractive girl, and it has never been a focus of my own self-esteem or lack there of. My body has fluctuated from a size 6/8 to a 12/14 at my biggest & currently I float around a size 10. My goal is to be a size 8 again, not a specific weight. I feel healthy at a size 8/small 10. Being tall, your weight can fluctuate and you really cannot notice until you gained A LOT of weight. But at my biggest, or smallest, I did not want my body complimented on by saying I was “skinny.” Skinny to me looked unhealthy, or a woman who had NO curves which is not what I wanted. I was always very happy with having curves, hips, and a booty. My sister who has been thin (a size 2) her whole life, also did not like being called “skinny.”
As a woman, as a mother, and as a business owner, I want different compliments. The true best compliment I could ever receive was that my kids were good, kind people. Raising my daughters to grow into strong, kind, fierce women is my true aspiration. They are what matters, they are EVERYTHING. Now, I would love to hear how I am kicking butt through my business, or that I am generous to others. BUT anything pertaining to my job as a mother, is what would make me melt far more than anything else!
Last weekend, I was at an event with my girls, and ran into a sweet Mom I run into a few times a year. She told me how that she loved I was a “Girls Girl” and I was soooooo happy to hear that. I have always thought of myself as that type of girl, and hearing that from another Mama, was really beautiful!
When I think about the women I observe, in my own life or just women I come across in general, I think this: If you ask most women what they would like to be complimented on, would they say something like career, motherhood, etc …. BUT would they secretly MOST like to hear that they are skinny or beautiful? It can be both, but which would make you truly the happiest to hear?
I am so careful about my own verbiage around my daughters. I don’t EVER use words like skinny or even talk about weight at all. We talk about unhealthy foods, what it is to be healthy, why it is important to exercise, but NEVER a focus about weight. They ALSO see me play around with makeup, and clothes because I LOVE ALL THAT! It is okay to love to dress cute & feel beautiful & want to feel like your most confident self. BUT I reiterate to them constantly about being helpers, being good friends, being kind, being inclusive, and not leaving others out! So while I see my daughters twirling in the mirror, wanting to wear dresses and wear pink daily … I ALSO see them being good people, good friends, & just awesome girls that I am so insanely proud of!
As a woman, would you like to hear a compliment of being told you’re skinny? Do you think healthy, or fit sounds more positive? I hear so many women jump for joy when they are called skinny. And a friend pointed out that generally people do not speak to each other like “Oh you look so healthy.” They would say “Oh you look so skinny.” And I agree it would sound weird to talk like that..
–> I should point out that I am absolutely not against appearance based compliments, nor is it an attack on them! I believe in telling someone that I love their hair, nails, new clothes, that they look gorgeous, and I love to receive those compliments as well. Those small compliments can truly make someones day and I am all for it. I tell my friends when they look like hotties & its so nice when they say the same to me. BUT I think its more important for them to hear that they are still great moms on their worst day, or they are more than the stress they have currently, & that they are great women.
The biggest takeaway from having this conversation, is that our kids are around. They hear what is said and how we talk to each other (even when we think they are not listening)! They are learning that this is how women speak to each other, how they make conversation with each other. I want my girls to overhear me telling other woman that they are kind, that they rock, that they are sweet. I always compliment outfits & appearance as well, because that is totally okay too! I just think we have to be aware that the little ones are always listening & to model the best for them to set them up for their own success when it comes to self-esteem!
Catch up on my last post here!